“Take it to your grave! Act like this never happened. I’m guna leave you and you’re guna be all alone forever.” – My mom
It can be hard to fathom a mother losing her natural instinct and becoming something, very unnatural. When you look at animals they have this natural born instinct to love and nurture their helpless young. So why then do some mothers lose this instinct and begin to harm? Naturally, the majority of society would react in horror to a mother abusing her children. Maybe that’s why no one seems to talk about it. I use to search the web for hours trying to find little bits of information on the experiences I had as a child, searching for other mothers that were similar to mine. But to no avail there seemed to be slim to none on this topic. Why? Because the vast majority of mothers don’t seem to lose that natural born instinct. Rather there seems to be more of a percentage of male abusers then female.
It use to frustrate me so much because I wanted to relate to someone, anyone! But then I started looking at my experiences as something different. Three major factors boiled down to one profound lesson.
1. The Emotional Abuse: “Your going to be alone.” “Nobody wants you!” “I hate you, you will never amount to anything”. Though none of these words were true hearing them had a lasting scar, that devastated my heart and disturbed my being.
2. The Physical Abuse: Physical trauma from not cooperating in sexual acts or various other activities. Beatings including but not limited to: Biting, punching, kicking and torture. Whatever the reason, beating a child with intent to physically or emotionally harm them is against the law. This disturbs the emotional and physical growth of a child.
3. Victims to Survivors: Anyone can say they lived through abuse just barely surviving it. But not everyone can say they have looked at their lives and found a way to thrive from it. That is what makes a true survivor.
Everything I just listed off above are what effects both survivors of male and female abusers. Finding someone who went through exactly what I went through is virtually impossible because every circumstance and experience is going to be different! Once I realized this, I began to reach out to survivors who FELT the same feelings I felt. I began to look at my world completely different… it’s not the experiences we endure but the feelings from those actions that ultimately define who we are, just because we may not have experienced precisely what someone else might have doesn’t mean we didn’t FEEL that same feeling. Every story matters and every experience counts. Feelings don’t see color and effect every single person on the planet. I feel this was a key lesson that profoundly impacted my healing process and resulted in my view of life itself.