Beatings

It takes only moments to beat someone with words or physically beat them, but a lifetime to repair the damage from just those moments. I was diagnosed with PTSD seven years ago, due to a recent trigger it’s back again. 

  “You stupid b****, why did you make me look bad!?! Your so stubborn!” She slapped the right side of my face. My eyes welled up with utter regret. She grabbed my hair and yanked me downward and then began yank across the room. I began tugging and pulling with all my might. All while tears streamed down my face.

     What did I do? How is this right? Everything was so great and now everything is so bad? I’m confused, conflicted, fearful, anxious.

     We got to the other end of the basement where my mom ranted even further about how awful I was. The more I pushed away from her hold on my hair the firmer she held and the harder she pulled. She kept spanking me around until I did the very unthinkable thing. I yanked away and put my arms up to shield myself. That was when the real punches started. 

I pleaded. I begged. But to non avail. It continued. 

My brother was near by and had entered the room when he heard the commotion. He physically put himself in front of me and pushed my mother way. She began punching him as hard as she could at all angles. I escaped. Stumbling up the stairs as I was crying and shaking uncontrollably. 

  I ran to my bed thinking that it would save me from the inevitable beating from running away. Within minutes she was on my bed side pinching my upper arm. “Don’t you ever run away from me again” 

 Biting, kicking, slapping, punching. 

It was all out war. I defended myself as much as I could as she wailed on me with her might. “Okay I’ll do it! I’ll do what you need me to do.” The wailing didn’t stop, rants continued and then I gave up. I stopped fighting and laid down in the fetal position as she screamed and yelled and hit me. 

Literally with in minutes it was over she left only to return to my bedside moments later apologizing for what she did. 

   Tonight I am reliving that night. The beating feels as though it has just happened. I was only 15 years old. 

   

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